Poem: Struggling Before Prayer

I wrote this poem in 1999 and dug it up recently. It's about those moments when we're pretending with God, but He sees right through that to the exact thing we need. We see, in those moments, how very weak and human and vulnerable we are. We see the futility of life without God's help. God wants to hear our anger and be with us in our despair. His compassionate strength rescues us when we are at rock bottom.

Struggling Before Prayer
By Summer Black

There is only one response required
When God’s endlessness
meets
the selfishness
of me.
With a rocket’s ambition and
a snail’s pace
my will and my knees
are bent before God.

The asking, at first, seems meaningless.
God knows what I want
and how far away from Him I am willing to go
to get it.
He knows what I need
and that, above all, I don’t want that.

Like a worm who craves dirt
but needs water,
I keep digging—
thinking that before long
I’ll hit something that sounds
like earnestness and feels
like communication
only I’m really just moving lips,
not moving nearer
to God at all.

The distance between
my full height and the floor,
where I should fall prostrate,
grows longer and taller
as I rebel.

While I fight with Him
He uses me
and I become a tool
in my own re-making.
Even then I prove His life,
His purpose,
And the pit I would be without Him.

“Lord, help me find the spots that should be clean
and I will wipe them up again.”
Even as I speak these worthless words,
I kneel in pools of sin
too deep for me to swim in,
much too dense for me
to hold it all together.

I wave to Him while drowning,
not to ask for help,
but to give a sign that I’m alright.

I scream so that I know I still have my voice,
my opinion,
and my vote in what happens to ME,
without acknowledging that God hears—
pays very close attention to every plea,
never
leaves me alone, and yet
sees me very differently.

Fortunately, the heart in me—
with all its desire to be right
and well
and free
on its own—
is very close to having
His will instead.

Soon I will see that
I need no voice when it is His
who wakes the morning up.
I want no strength that gets me
places where he is not.
Pain my grip me hard
and a fallen world may pierce me,
but my pretending is what harms Him most.

Even so, He always defends me against
myself and other enemies
because eventually,
I honestly ask the Lord
To take everything that is me,
forgive it, and make it whatever He wants.

Desire then ceases to be longing and
becomes action, the cousin of fervor,
who, in turn, is closely related to peace.

Thankfully, grace is won without a fight.
God saves even those who want to look
beautiful while drowning.
He shortens the distance between
our pride and His majesty by
providing a way for us to reach Him
any time.

When we crave Him,
His wisdom and His voice,
We need nothing else.
God spent His entire human lifetime
That we might know the truth of that.

Mission Trip to the Ukraine: 2001

I went to the Ukraine on a missions trip with Grace Community Church in July, 2001. Many people received this support letter in their mailboxes on Sept 11, 2001. What a time period that was---not only in my own personal history, but especially the history of the country......it's been 8 years ago already!


Sept. 7, 2001

Hello! Just about 2 months ago I left for a missions trip you supported with your prayers and your pocketbooks. I boarded “the plane for the Ukraine,” knowing somehow, my life would be different when I returned. Well, I am back…and boy, was I right! I am changed. Before, the Ukraine was just another country. Now, it has faces and names and incredible evidence of God’s faithfulness. You know me…you know how much I wish I could sit with each of you individually and tell you the stories face to face!
Here are some highlights. What a gift your prayers were to us!
· I loved teaching English to the young students there! I had a group who could not speak English at all, so I worked with a translator. (The beginning of many lessons on dependence for me!) His name is Leonid and he’s the pastor of a growing evangelical church in Eastern Ukraine. I loved learning new ways to engage the students, challenge them, and build relationships despite a major language barrier! While other groups were learning idioms and conjugations, my class learned their colors and numbers. J They were so eager…in Bible lessons we spoke at length, going back and forth so much the translator needed breaks for the water fountain.
· We used every waking hour just to be with the students—and I learned that’s a key to ministry. Don’t wait for the “perfect moment” to ask others about their lives; use meal time, waiting-in-line time, any time. We weren’t there to “shove the Gospel” at them, but to love them so well they would want to know about it. Some of the most meaningful conversations about Christ occurred during Frisbee games!
· We had evening worship services with preaching, singing, and connecting happening all at once—hearing what became a constant simultaneous mix of Russian and English. I loved hearing the sounds sung together: SLAVA BORGO—PRAISE GOD! We talked to the students about our different cultures and what they promise. To them, all Americans are wealthy and it’s hard to understand why we wouldn’t be content. To Americans, life in the former USSR might seem hopeless; with their history, how can anything be made right again? Our messages centered on Christ and his role as the Restorer of all people in all kinds of pain in all parts of the world.
· The young Ukrainian Christians were such an example to us as we worked beside them to encourage, build, and bless. Oleg, one of the students, received a New Testament from someone on our team. Since our return, he has e-mailed, saying, “I’ve read the New Testament. Can you send me the whole Bible?” We spoke to the young men especially, teaching them the term “step up.” It’s time for them to be young leaders in their churches, leave the heavy yoke of Communism behind, and worship God freely.
· In many ways, our conversations with students were about God’s purposes for the world. Even in the midst of the oppression it has experienced, the Ukraine is coming alive again. Its people are realizing God wants to restore them in His power, in spite of what humans have tried to do in the abuse of their power. Some students left camp with a new realization: God is good and He is able to be trusted.
· We visited 2 orphanages. I simply cannot get the pictures of that day out of my mind. There is no money set aside for humanitarian efforts in Ukraine; the orphanages are dependent on foreign aid. As we played and held the children, one of the Ukrainians who was at our camp saw me crying. He said, “I know, Summer. It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” To him, the children are cared for. They have a roof over their heads and a meal they can count on—which is basically what life IS for people in that country now. It was too much for me and my heart was thinking of Psalm 10:14: “The victim commits himself to you; you are the helper of the fatherless.” The children called us Mama…running around in their underwear with sores on their bodies and smiles on their faces…They clung to us. They wanted us to take them home.

SINCE I’VE BEEN HOME

Since I’ve been home, many things have been on my heart and mind. The trip has been difficult to process. How do I take what I learned overseas and make it part of my life here? My hope is that as I tell you about some of my lessons, your heart would be moved, as mine was, to reach out in better ways to the hurting world. I kept saying to myself on this trip, “Enter into the pain you see around you—that’s love!”
· The Ukraine has very little structure anymore. Its people are on their own and only make about $30 a month, if they’re lucky enough to be employed. The roads are a series of craters. The lights go out whenever they feel like it and may never come back on. What a person wears one day, he may wear for several days afterward because he has nothing else. If you’re traveling 12 hours in a bus with no shocks, there’s nowhere but the nearest tree to use the restroom (I know this from experience)! I learned about waiting—how to practice it, get better at it, and expect to do it. I’ve come home and cried over my laundry because I have so much of it. I go into the supermarket and shake my head at all the choices. I listed to Larry King complain about government regulations and I want to ask him, “What if our government regulated virtually nothing? Do you know what that would look like?” It would look like Ukraine. I’m learning to be grateful in ways I never knew existed.
· I’ve learned that the way to minister anywhere, to help anyone, or to change anything is the old one-person-at-a-time method. One of our pastors at Grace says, “Help the person in front of you.” I can get so overwhelmed by the problems in the world (the hungry, the homeless, the oppressed, etc.) that I’m paralyzed—then no one gets help. Help has to be local, then it can become global.
· I’ve learned that to be desperate for God is a wonderful thing. In some ways, I haven’t stopped crying since I landed in America. I am crying, “Lord, USE your people. We’re frail and we forget your power so often, but please Lord, USE us for your glory. YOU alone are what matters. The reason all people were born was to worship and serve You. Show your people all over the world the work You want us to do.” Our team depended on God in completely new ways. Many things we planned did not happen and things we hoped for did not take place. But God does not exist to make our plans possible. We exist to give hands and feet to his plans—to see His glory on this suffering planet. Nothing we do could ever match what He does for us. God was calling people to Himself in the Ukraine through our camp—and you were a part of that. THANK YOU!

A CHALLENGE FOR YOU AND I

You are one of those orphans I wrote about, no matter where you live. You live in a terrible place, full of worry and suffering. No one denies that. But what ELSE is true? Earth is not the home God intended for us. God has said in His word that He wants to take us home to heaven. He’s saying to you, “Come here, _________(insert your name). I love you more than you’ll ever know and I want to teach you how to live. Will you come and follow me?” Christ picks us up, holds us close, and has the power to give us more than we ever dreamed of. But some of us, we don’t accept the offer. We stay at the orphanage, wallowing in what we do not have when God Himself has offered us His life and His Name.
I challenge you today as I was challenged: to live as someone who has been adopted by Christ. If you have given your life to Him, all His blessing becomes yours—just like a child who comes home to live with a loving family after spending years on the street. God has said to you, “Here! You can have a great home and a family and food to eat and a job and friends who love you. But those things are NOT your life. Don’t depend on them because they won’t be around all the time. Let the pain from your past go. Don’t live in it anymore. You will still have pain until you go home with me, but let me, not your circumstances, define what life is for you.” God’s given us a choice whether to stay in poverty or live in His wealth.
I learned on this trip that the kingdom of God is not just about heaven. The kingdom of God can be experienced now because God’s plans ARE taking place all over the world. It was not His plan for the world to suffer—that is a choice the world has made through greed, malice, hatred, etc. But God never gives up on us: “Because of God’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail” (Lamentations 3:22). Each of you is part of God’s work in your own corner of the world and I have been blessed to live and work alongside you. Reach out to people—they need your touch, your words, your love before, during, and every day after they live in light of the message of the Gospel. They need to hear God became a man because of His love for us! People need to know why they were born. Be the one to tell them. We were all born to love God back—for He’s been loving us since the beginning of time.

Christmas Letter: 2004

Christmas, 2004

Dear Friends and Family:
We’ve been going through and eye-opening series at my church lately. I wish all of you could hear it! We’re learning about how we can know what God is like. What motivates the Creator of the world to continue creating, year after year? What is in God’s heart? What does He care about? If we can’t see Him, how can we know Him? It’s my 4th year at Grace Community Church and I’m growing there, especially over the past year. Here are some of the highlights of 2004:

WHAT MOTIVATES GOD?
MY JOURNEY TO THE HIGH PLACES

You know how much I love to read, so recommending just one book to you is a difficult task. But, if you read just one book in 2005, make it Hinds’ Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard. I read it in college and picked it up again this year…it paints a vivid picture that God desires His people to go with Him to the highest, the best, the purest heights of faith. God is motivated to continue creating because He wants a relationship with us based on faith in Who He Is.
It’s an allegory about a crippled young girl named Much Afraid who learns to trust the Shepherd (Christ). When she trusts, she brings Him glory. She meets many others along the way who both help and hinder her progress to the High Places: Sorrow, Suffering, Pride, Craven Fear, Self-Pity, Bitterness, etc. Even though she can’t always understand where He is leading her, Much Afraid develops her faith in the Shepherd and begins to see things differently. He name changes to Acceptance with Joy and her body is healed. She understands that life is not all about her. It’s about the Shepherd and His power to transform.
God made it possible for me to be above the clouds again this year, in a plane traveling to Europe once more with my mom’s French students in June. It was a trip that imprinted God’s high places in my mind: standing on the Swiss Alps throwing snowballs at each other, climbing the stairs of ancient castles, waving from the Eiffel Tower to visitors below, sitting on the crags and cliffs of the Brittany coast. All of it sang of Psalm 36:5-7:

“Your love, O Lord, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies. Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains, your justice like the great deep. O Lord, you preserve both man and beast. How priceless is your unfailing love! Both high and low among men find refuge in the shadow of your wings.”

We were in Normandy for the 60th Anniversary of the D-Day Invasion. We met British and American veterans there, in their 80’s or 90’s now, leaning on their loved ones as they walked between the rows of graves marked by the famous white crosses…I could tell by their faces that this was a place of strange and bitter solace for them. We stood inside huge craters made by air bombs and crawled into trenches, once full of gunfire, but now full of silence. It was such a contrast, these low places of war and underground holes of soldiers. What a refuge the Lord is when we all are afraid!

WHAT DOES GOD CARE ABOUT?
LET EVERY HEART PREPARE HIM ROOM

For all those veterans, the ability to start over when they returned home must have seemed like a miracle. They may have asked, “How can this be? Is it true that I get a new life—a new start now that the war is over?”
I have learned this year that the Lord cares about the restoration of His people. Many of you have seen this in 2004: His comfort while you are grieving the loss of someone dear to you, His provision after divorce, His hope when long-standing prayers have been answered in ways that bring the most glory to Himself. As in the Christmas song Joy to the World, He wants all of us to prepare room for Him in our hearts. I am amazed in my own life how many chances I get to begin again when something has ended: a relationship, a task, a chapter of life. With God, there is always something new, something good for us to grasp about Who He Is.
I moved into a great new apartment in Carmel in July. You’ll have to stop by when you’re in the area! My roommate got married, so I needed to find a new place again. It has been a process, learning to live alone. But it has provided me a chance to prepare more room for God—and I’m beginning to see that I live with Him—that He has chosen to move in with me. We have more quiet times together than we used to and there is a richness to my faith that I haven’t experienced before. I’ve decorated the place in my own “style” and had many beloved friends over at all hours…fillings the rooms with the kinds of fellowship I love. Our Bible study group has been meeting for over 4 years—it’s a continual source of blessing. I am learning that God cares about how I use this apartment: Is it open to others? Am I reaching out and inviting in? Am I preparing room for Him to live and breathe and be there, too?

WHAT IS IN GOD’S HEART?
CHRIST’S PASSION AND HIS ACTION

Like many of you, I saw The Passion of the Christ during the Easter holiday. Our pastor, Dave Rodriguez, paraphrased Scripture when he said, “If we want to know God, we should look at Christ.” What a picture of love He is! After I saw the film, I was overwhelmed at its honesty, reality, brutality, and impact. I saw myself in so many of the characters. Sometimes, I am the one who denies Him and at other times the one who holds Him close. One day I am the one who brings Him a drink and the next I am the one who turns my back. I saw the steadfast faithfulness of God, confronted with how passive I can be about Him. The Christmas story is part of the Easter story; at the center of God’s heart is His desire to be with us. He wants a relationship with those He came to save.

HOW CAN WE KNOW GOD?
THE PROCESS OF FAITH

This year has definitely been a Year of Faith for me. With your help, I’ve been stepping up, going out, moving in, and staying open to the work God has for me to do. It’s my 6th year at Traders Point Christian Academy, my 3rd as the school counselor. As I talk to the students, I realize a lot about what God wants me to know, too.
I tell the kids that life is a process—with many beginnings, middles, and ends. When one thing is wrapping up, another will start. It’s important to get more comfortable with mystery—more accustomed to hope. God isn’t going to give us all the answers to questions like WHY? and WHEN? and HOW? Instead, He gives us Himself. It is possible to know God because we know who Christ is. It is possible to love Him with our lives. Thank you for the many ways you have shown me that this year! May 2005 bring you the beginnings, middles, and ends of all He wants for you.

Love,
Summer

Christmas Letter: 2000

Christmas, 2000

Dear Friends:
This year, I made New Year’s resolutions…in June. Okay, okay…you and I both know I can take FOREVER making important decisions. But right around the First Day of Summer (ironic, isn’t it?), I made some promises to myself and God. My life is richer now because I have kept them and God is ecstatic because He’s getting more of me than before.

I promised to make my living turning light bulbs on.

I stopped teaching math and got back to teaching English. That plain and simple choice has made such a difference because what I teach is one of the things I love. I’m still at Traders Point Christian Academy on Indy’s northwest side, only this time I’m working part time—with learning disabled kids one on one. I’m seeing light bulbs go on over their heads all day as they realize that what they struggled to read is a word with a meaning that they now understand. It’s like that scene in the Helen Keller film when she realized W-A-T-E-R means water—I’m like Anne Sullivan, running to catch up with kids who want to know how to spell everything, how to communicate, now that they can read and write better. Celebrating the smallest of victories makes this job the sweetest of joys.

I promised to completely pursue counseling as a life work—and I’ve received my “passionfruits.”

When I started trusting God more, my passions and my fruits of labor started to be more and more connected—I affectionately call them my “passionfruits.” I love counseling kids, so I made more time for that kind of labor—and the fruit just keeps on coming…
I cut my work schedule down to 3 days a week so I could spend the other 2 focused on my Master’s in School Counseling at Butler University. I volunteered at Indy’s Northview Middle School this semester and will move to Carmel’s Clay Jr. High in January. I’m following the counselors everywhere, trying to learn all I can about counseling kids all day. I’m also becoming a volunteer counselor for the local Crisis Pregnancy Center, a Christian organization that provides counseling about abortion alternatives and praying that a position would open up for me to be a Director of a CPC Counseling Center by May, 2002—right when I get my degree! Would you join me in that prayer? It’s a long way off—but God can make it happen. I know that this type of counseling will be emotionally very difficult for me, particularly when young teens choose abortion despite Scriptural evidence about God’s ability to make all things new. But I know that God is leading me to this ministry because I am drawn to the women involved in a way that is difficult to explain apart from God’s mercy.

I promised to permanently move into a church and make my home there.

God has provided Grace Community Church for me (and about 4000 other people) in Noblesville. I cannot tell you in words how much this church has helped me, just since I started attending in August. I went through some very hard times last year when I felt the weight of loneliness and the loneliness of waiting. Grace Church is part of God’s answer to me, as I prayed through tears, as all of us do when we cannot see what is ahead. But, as always, God gives us more than we ask for and we are continually surprised by how good His goodness really is. Grace has multiplied my desire to serve God and added many people to my wishlist for fellowship in Indy.

This Christmas, remember the words of Martin Luther in the great hymn, “A Mighty Fortress is our God.”

Did we in our own strength confide, our striving would be losing.
Were not the right man on our side, the Man of God’s own choosing.
Dost ask who that may be? CHRIST JESUS it is he!
Lord Sabboath his name, from age to age the same,
And He must win the battle.

Whether it’s battles you are facing or strength that you are needing—it is God who is calling, “I am the promise!” Claim that promise today and make some of your own to God. Christ lives to save us. Sometimes I have to keep reminding myself over and over…then, there are days I, like Helen Keller, run around, hungry to learn more—because I get it; I understand! Because of God’s mercy on us, heaven is a real place where worship happens without breaks, except to take a breath and praise some more.

I love you all,
Summer

Christmas Letter: 2005

December 31, 2005

Dear Friends and Family:

I have so enjoyed receiving your cards and letters, updating me on what’s happened in your lives. Now it’s my turn, but this letter is so late arriving to you that I’m calling it a New Year’s card. J As I look back over the past year, I realize that I could simply describe the major events to you. But, I’d rather focus on what’s more important to me—the people. As you hear their stories, may you find your own heart renewed as you think about those people who have most directly influenced your own life recently. Let me introduce a few of my VIPs to you, people who have taught me how to be more alive in 2005:

DANIELLE & RENE, who taught me about the Lord’s timing
I am currently in my 7th year at Traders Point Christian Academy and my 4th year as the counselor there. This year, I have had the first-time honor of being the supervisor for Danielle Brown and Rene Arndt, two women who sought counseling degrees from Butler University here in Indy. I was excited about teaching these women, ready to dive in & show them what I have come to believe are the core elements of counseling and working with children. As it turns out, I learned much more than I taught…God knew in advance that I would need Danielle & Rene. He sent them at just the right time.

SCOTT, who taught me that the Lord has plans we may never understand
In January, the middle school principal at Traders Point, Scott Bostick, was killed instantly in a tragic car accident. From the moment I received the news about Scott’s death, my year and my job changed. Danielle had just started her internship in my office only a few weeks before. Isn’t that just like God to give me help BEFORE I knew why I would need it? Life at work was a whirlwind as Danielle (and later, Rene) helped the school family through this time of questions & grief. I honestly could not have done my job well without these women who have become dear to me. We are moving on, with a new principal now, and I feel like a new counselor in some ways. I’ve been reminded about how precious and mysterious life is. I’ve learned about how God uses people to care for the brokenhearted. God has shown me that He is the source of all types of healing.

REBEKAH & TREVOR, who taught me about the Lord’s patience and our choices:
Over the summer, I worked at Ivy Tech State College as an English tutor for students with disabilities. I met Rebekah & Trevor there, blind students with opposite views about the world. Rebekah’s definition of “tutor” was completely different than mine; she thought I was employed by the school to write her papers, not help her improve them. J I learned a great deal about myself when I tutored her—how impatient I can be, how much I depend on what I can see, how little I know about what other people struggle through on a daily basis. We had some talks about Christ & she told me about what she had learned from Him. Rebekah was bitter about her circumstances & we talked about that, too...But, Trevor was different. I’ve never met anyone like him. He didn’t have his sight, but he had a spark in him, a readiness to participate in his own life despite his limitations. Trevor chose to treat people well, to find out about them, and to accept their help with a spirit of gratitude. If I traded lives with Trevor, would I be as thankful? The Lord knows that, often, we may not agree with what He gives us. He also knows, that our day-to-day choices bring Him honor when we praise Him anyway.

AIMEE, who taught me about the Lord’s faithfulness
Over Spring Break, I was able to take a cruise with my twin sister to celebrate our 30th birthday together. We met in Florida, boarded a ship, and set sail for the Bahamas. It was just the 2 of us! We spent long hours talking, swimming, resting, and reading. I remember being on the upper deck with her at night, looking up at the stars as we floated along in the black water below. We could see the moon, feel the wind in our hair, and smell the salt in the sea. It was a silent, powerful moment. Aimee has always been in my life, during every change & in every season. I thought of all the things we’d been through together, all the ways the Lord had been faithful to us for so many years. Being thirty feels like starting a new chapter—it makes me wonder what the next 30 years will hold!

MEGAN, SONIA, & ANGIE, who taught me about the Lord’s beauty
For the 4th year in a row, 3 close friends and I took a girls’ getaway trip together. In May, we went to Nashville for a long weekend to take a break from “the busy life.” We stayed a night at the Opryland Hotel and visited the grounds of Cheekwood Gardens, a enchanting way to spend an afternoon. These women share my love of books and all things artistic---music, and paintings, and nature, and words. When I am with them, I remember how gentle our Lord can be. I am proud to say these women, and other friends in a weekly Bible study group, are constants in my life when lots of other things seem to change so much.

ISAAC, who taught me about the Lord’s joy
My sister Renee, has a son who is about 13 months old. Their family lives in Virginia and I’ve been able to see them quite a bit this year. The one word that comes to mind when I think of Isaac is wonder. He is in awe of everything he sees! He’s learning so much—walking and talking and interacting now. The name Isaac means laughter, something he spends a lot of his time doing. I want to be like Isaac in the year ahead of me. I want to be excited about the world God has put me in—eager to experience whatever comes next. Aimee is expecting a baby this coming spring, so I will be an aunt again, a role I gladly accept with joy.

CAROLYN, AMY, & TRACY, who taught me about the Lord’s presence
At work, it is probably rare to find close friends there. Carolyn & Tracy are co-workers of mine, and Amy used to work with us but is now pursuing another one of her dreams full-time. I am amazed at how God repeatedly has used these women to teach me about Himself. They know how to live authentically. They know that God has a purpose for their lives and they spend time trying to figure that out. When I am with them, I remember how important it is to show up for my own life, receive goodness from the Lord, and then give it back to other people. They know how to celebrate life, so they are my kind of people. Recently, a few of us met for breakfast at Bob Evans. In the course of that morning, I learned more about the Lord than I have in a long time. That’s just the kind of people they are—people who amaze you when you’re sitting at Bob Evans!

GOD, who has taught me that I have more to learn
All of these people, all of these stories, point to one source—God. He is on time. He is bigger than all we understand. He is patient. He is faithful. He is joyful. He is beautiful. He is ever-present. He is authentic. He is good. I know I will always be finding out what the Lord is all about. With God, there is always more—always another blessing in store. I hope 2006 is a year when you discover all the things God is trying to tell you through the people He sends your way.


Love, Summer

Christmas Letter: 2002

Christmas, 2002

O Holy Night! The stars are brightly shining! It is the night of our dear Savior’s birth! Long lay the world in sin and error pining till He appeared and the soul felt its worth. A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices—for yonder breaks a new and glorious morn!!

Fall on your knees! O hear the angel voices! O Night Divine! O night when Christ was born! O night divine! O night…O night divine!

Dear Friends and Family,

I wonder…I wonder where you are—right now. In case you didn’t know, it’s a joy for me to think of you, even if I imagine you’re doing routine things.
You just got the mail, right? What are you doing? In my mind, I see some of you unpacking boxes from a move to a new place. Others are returning from a long commute from work, or trips to the mall, or the post office, or the Laundromat. Some are decorating a wonderful little Charlie Brown tree for your first Christmas together or maybe putting New Baby down for a nap. More than a few of you, I would guess, might be waiting by the window, full of that excitement that comes when family will arrive “any minute now.”
Whatever you’re doing, take a break from it. Just for a few minutes. Go back up to the top of this page. Read the words of the hymn O Holy Night. No, scratch that. Don’t just read them. Read them aloud. Sing them. Pretend you’ve never heard them before. It’s amazing how one little song can serve as such a big reminder of this: God can be trusted. He is divine. He is in charge. And He sent His son into our world, confined Himself to a human routine, in order to speak to us on our level. He came so we could see with human eyes how much He loves us. He came to change our lives. And He is still doing it. He is still changing those who have given their lives to Him. Do you want some proof of that amazing truth?? Here are some of the ways God has spoken to me in 2002 A.D.:

SUMMER, YOU CAN TRUST ME. YOU’VE GOT TO CHANGE YOUR PLANS.
“A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices—for yonder breaks a new and glorious morn!”

I’ve learned this year that sometimes God does His best work through us. Other times he works better when we, in all our desires to make things happen, simply step aside. It’s amazing the things that will happen when we let his glorious new beginnings break through—just the way HE wants them to.
I graduated from Butler University in May with my Master’s Degree in School Counseling! A lot of you have prayed along with me about how and where to use my counseling skills best. I’ve been a teacher at Traders Point Christian Academy for 3 years and, since there was no counseling department there, I assumed I’d have to find a new place to work. So, I planned my little heart out. I planned so much I was weary from trying to figure out how everything was going to work together.
And then, it was just like God to give me that thrill of hope. So that He alone would receive all the praise, God did what I could never have planned or even imagined on my own. He created something out of nothing—a Christian counseling department at Traders Point for me to start this year! Since August, I’ve been counseling kids in grades pre-school through 8th grade who have a variety of academic, behavioral, and emotional needs. It’s been an incredible experience to work with the families and the educators on a grass-roots effort like this. My heart’s been broken when I just hope I’ve done the right thing for a child. But, I’m busy marking down even the smallest of victories in their lives; my favorite is a smile from a student (or parent) whose pattern is tears. I’m learning so much…helping the kids (and myself) understand that the plans of God are right and perfect. Sometimes they are hidden from us so that we might seek Him, ask Him for His guidance, and ultimately trust Him more. How much we miss when we think that hope lies in only what we can see!

SUMMER, YOU CAN TRUST ME. YOU’VE GOT TO CHANGE YOUR PERSPECTIVE.
“Long lay the world in sin and error pining till He appeared and the soul felt its worth.”

Sometimes, I look at the junior highers at school and I think, “I can’t wait until they learn to look outside of themselves, to see something bigger than their hair, their clothes, and what they’re doing after school tonight!” Then, I stop. I think about myself. How often am I pining after my own sin or someone else’s error? How much time do I spend in my own little world, forgetting the Big Picture and all God has done for me?
In July, I was able to go on a fantastic trip to Prince Edward Island with some of my dearest girlfriends—Angie, Megan, and Sonia. It was a dream to go to the land of Anne of Green Gables, to get away from my daily world, to write, and to rest. The women I traveled with are constant examples to me of how to live the faith-filled life well. We are blessed to have each other, to live in community together all on the north side of Indy, to trust God together.
I remember sitting on the red rocks of the coastline with those women, looking out to the endlessness of the ocean. I remember praying, “God, show me again who you are. I love you. But, I admit it. In spite of all your blessings, I worry. I focus on my own “stuff.” I want to know how you’re going to work it all out—my friends-life, my work-life, my love-life, my church-life—I want to know the answers. I give You it all, even though I don’t know what you’re going to do. Show me that You have a larger plan in this.”
A few days after I returned from Canada, I was in the midst of my routine. I was driving home from school and was involved in a very serious car accident. During a left turn, I was broadsided on the empty passenger side by a truck traveling about 70 miles per hour! The car was totaled, I went to the ER by ambulance, but I had hardly a scratch on my body. After looking at the photographs, I realized…what could have happened. My daily perspective is different since then. Yes, I still worry a lot when I should trust a lot instead. But I think God has used the accident to teach me more directly what Savior means. Indeed, when God appears, our souls really do feel their worth.

SUMMER, YOU CAN TRUST ME. YOU’VE GOT TO CHANGE YOUR POSTURE.
“Fall on your knees! O hear the angel voices! O night divine! O night when Christ was born!”

Sometimes, I act as if God were my servant instead of the other way around. I give Him a list of things I want Him to fix. I think that if these things would just happen, my life would certainly be better, maybe even Perfect. In turn, He asks me to remember Who He Is. I read the words of Isaiah 45:11-12: “It is I who made the earth and created mankind upon it. My own hands stretched out the heavens.” It’s a call to remember my posture. When was the last time you came to God to simply give Him praise?
For me, it was during my sisters’ weddings. Aimee and Renee have both gotten married in the last year and a half. I remember thinking during the ceremonies, “God, you have brought these blessings into our family. Who could do this but You?” Brian and Seth are hand-picked by God, given to the girls as pure gifts. The weddings were clear evidence to me that God knows best.
May God help all of us change during this coming year, so that, little by little, we may see more things as He sees them. May we give up more of our agendas in exchange for His much more perfect plans. May we live remembering God can be trusted and He deserves all praise.
When I think about the night in Bethlehem, I picture it differently than the traditional nativity scene. We’ve become used to stables made out of plastic in our neighbors’ yards or perfect porcelain shepherds keeping watch near our Christmas trees. I don’t think that’s how it really happened. I don’t think anyone was standing up. Not Joseph, not Mary, not the wisemen, maybe not even the horses—nobody. Every person who recognized Jesus as the Christ probably fell on their knees in worship. That is the only wise thing for men to do. They heard angel voices, proclaiming that prophecy had, indeed, come true. The Messiah had come!


Love,
Summer

Christmas Letter: 2003

December, 2003

“There is no greater invitation to love than loving first.” St. Augustine

Dear Friends and Family:

Many people agree that Christmas is about “love.” By this they might mean the love of presents or big fat men in red suits or time off from work. They might say that you can’t have Christmas at all without the love of a mother for her child or a husband for his wife or a family for their friends. And they’re right. Christmas is about love.

But this love is not cheap or simple or plain. If we think of the Christmas story itself, we will realize that the love God demonstrated when He sent Christ to the world is not merely warm and fuzzy or sentimental or weak.

God chooses to give the kind of love that is
fierce and full of Himself and wild and courageous and risky and dangerous and merciful and REAL.

So many of you have been my examples this year. You live out this kind of love. You have demonstrated right before my eyes how to give more of yourselves to Christ and to others. I have been with you—celebrating miracles, counting tears, laughing, seeking God’s will, getting to know you better, deeper, WELL. It has been quite a journey and here are a few things I’ve learned over the past 12 months that encourage me to praise Him more. These are evidences that God is LORD, in the Christmas story, and in my own life. Look at what He has done with his real, true, pure love:

God’s love is not predictable.
What do you do when God completely surprises you?

God chose a few lonely shepherds on a hillside to be the first to hear of Christ’s birth. What if they had said, “God, this is not the Savior we have in mind—send Him back and we’ll wait for the one we want?” I’ve learned this year in new ways that I never know what God is going to do tomorrow, who He’ll bring into my life, or how He’ll make use of things. What God desires is for my heart to be open to the amazing gifts He wants to give in my life—He will make me ready for the changes He ordains. One of many surprises is that in January I moved in with a new roommate, Christi Childs (TU ’97). We got reconnected after some years out of touch and she’s one of my greatest unexpected blessings this year! We have a beautiful townhome that’s often full of new and old friends, laughter, and late-night talks.
Another experience I didn’t expect this summer was the chance to travel to France! My sister Tiffany was a student there through an IU honors program. My mom had the opportunity to learn about the high school program overseas and I very quickly hopped on the plane with her! It was a three-week adventure: visiting the students, speaking the language, getting lost driving through miles of countryside, sitting on the rocks on the coastline at sunset…but the French people were my favorite part. We dove into their culture and got “out of our comfort zones.” I wish I could tell you about the whole trip. From café owners to cathedral visitors, from pedestrians to Parisians—we met so many incredible people. It was as if God was saying, “Look beyond what’s happening in your little corner. Open your eyes wider to see what I’m doing all over the world. I’ll show you step by step where I want you to go—in Indy, Chicago, overseas, or just next door…Participate with eagerness in the larger plan I have for you. GO! Give me glory wherever you are!”

God is not afraid to live, or to love.
What do you do when God says,
“Go! Love the way I ask you to! Live the way I want you to?”

At just the right time, God conceived a son in Mary. I’m sure she didn’t fully comprehend what this miracle would mean. But God’s plan is not dependent on our understanding. Mary’s answer was, “I am the Lord’s servant. May it be to me as you have said” (Luke 1:38). Oh, that we all might live with the kind of courage that is free to trust in God completely!
I am in my 5th year working at Traders Point Christian Academy, my 2nd year as the school counselor for students in preschool-8th grade. It’s a ministry that requires a lot of me and I’m learning all the time. Some days I’m reluctant and feel ill-equipped to involve myself in the children’s pain and trouble…I feel the weight of the responsibility of this type of ministry. Other days, I am ready to dive in because I recognize that God is working in me. I have so many stories of the things He has done to bring healing in students’ lives. I’ve enjoyed the opportunity to record the growth I see in them daily, and to disciple them in their new faith.
I love getting down on the kid level, looking them in the eyes, and saying in different ways, “Getting better is going to be a lot of work. We’re going to cry and pray and wonder and wrestle with hard things. But we’re going to do this together. I’m not going to leave you when you’re hurting. It’s going to take a lot of time, but you are so worth it!”

God would do anything just to be with us.
What do you do when you realize His sacrifice?

When I consider the way God loves, I am in awe. He never gives up. He is unafraid. He loves until it hurts, then loves some more. He doesn’t think about what He will lose; His only thought is for His people. He gives up his most prized possession. Think about that. He didn’t send His son to simply visit us. He sent Christ to die for us. He wanted us to do MORE than exist. He wanted us to really live. His birth, His death, His Spirit left behind, His return someday for those who have given their hearts to Him…it’s all God’s way of saying, “I want to be with you.”
When I consider the way God loves, I am challenged. I want to really live, not for myself, but for God. I want to be OPEN to the plan of God—even when my heart is broken, as it has been this year. When I love, I want to give my whole self, patiently and purely. I want to stop counting the cost and start loving. I want to be found with my arms out-stretched, ready for all the joy and all the pain involved in people’s lives…Through Christ, I want my imperfect love to be fierce and full, wild and real, merciful and courageous, and so complete. Christ is the only true example of that kind of dangerous, honest love.

When we follow Him, we get it. We understand that real love is never simple, but it’s worth all the hard work. We understand that God gets the glory when we love well. And, we know that when we turn the next corner, God will surprise us with another chance to LIVE, to LOVE, to GIVE.

“Our notion of sacrifice is the wringing out of us something we don’t want to give up, full of pain and agony and distress. The Bible’s idea of sacrifice is that I give as love-gift of the very best thing I have.” Oswald Chambers